Cats – Training your humans 2

Sorry, you caught me napping but I was about to get up because I’m hungry.

How I love food!  Mum trained me to catch my own starting with field mice and shrews.  She used to go out into the neighbouring fields and catch one and bring it back into the house for us to practice with.  The ‘us’ was me and my brother and sister.  Trouble was the humans didn’t approve of this activity and would close the door to our quarters, so Mum, ever resourceful, would push the rodent under the bottom of the door having alerted us to her offering first.  We were supposed to catch it (they always headed under the nearest piece of furniture, then kill it and eat it.   Mum would be repeatedly calling “Catch and Despatch” to us by way of encouragement.

Hunting is all very well for fun, but I don’t really like killing things even though I am a Lord of the Universe, as all cats are.  I prefer to give the mice a good talking to and tell them to clear off.  Surprisingly they do clear off pretty sharpish when I let them go.  The old cat who lived in my new home when I arrived told me that all the mice and rats departed the day the first cat moved in.  That is how life is supposed to be.

Most of us cats are pretty picky eaters; you rarely find a cat that eats everything.  We tend to be divided into those who prefer fish and those who prefer meat.  Of course we all have our favourite snacks, often stolen from someone else’s plate, or the kitchen worktop.  I have a friend who likes to snatch a juicy steak from the pan just when it is done to perfection.  The human doing the cooking invariably turns away to get some implement to pick it up and that is the moment to pounce.  If you can’t grab it and leap out of reach in one smooth movement, then the best thing is to drop your prize on the floor.  Very few humans want to eat food that has landed on the floor, a big bonus for all us cats.

Of course sometimes you might even have co-operation from the person doing the cooking.  They seem not to like tasty morsels such as bacon rinds so that is where you can do them a service, just make clear that as they snip the rind off it should go straight on to your plate, or even better straight into your mouth.  But don’t let them force you to do any tricks to get these titbits.  Dogs are quite disgusting in how they will perform to get a treat.  Don’t lower yourself to their level, ever.  Just use the “I’m your greatest fan” tactics we have already talked about.

I’m a fish lover myself, I love sitting by, or in, our pond and our fish are very friendly, and they actually think I am going to feed them fish food.  If I stretch out a paw they come to me, how idiotic is that.  When they swim towards me I regard them as potential lunch.  Sadly it generally ends in a standoff, they won’t come too close unless I show them the fish food and am I likely to do that?  We spend hours eyeing one another up; it’s a good way to spend my time.

Must go, I can hear the rattle of my food bowl.

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