Cats – Training Your Humans Continued

You need to get your people to try you with lots of different brands of cat food, never let them think they’ve got it sussed and that they know your favourite brand, otherwise you could be stuck with it for life.  If you really fancy a bit of freshly cooked chicken, steal some from them until they get the message that this is your food too.  Best of all for me is freshly cooked fish, or even uncooked fish.  Chicken can be nasty germy stuff if not cooked properly but you should try fish both cooked and uncooked and make your preference known.  Of course if they have got frozen stuff for you, you just have to let them get on and cook it before serving.  Be especially loving to them when they have taken a bit of trouble over cooking you a favourite dish, then you will get it more often.

A previous cat in our household had trained our people to put extra water bowls in strategic places where it might suit us and joy of joy, fresh biscuits too.  I really don’t know how she achieved this.  She was very old when my brother and I first arrived in the house as kittens and pretty scary and she didn’t like us very much and wouldn’t share her secrets with us.  I make it a point of honour now to ensure that the first thing one of our people does when she gets up in the morning is to put fresh water and biscuits out for us in all the right places.  I am afraid that sometimes I have to be quite forceful about this, nipping her ankles if she forgets, but don’t try that too early in a relationship.  I get away with it now because I am a very big cat and she knows it’s better to do as I demand rather than whatever she had in mind as her first priority of the day.

If I am getting a bit grumpy she will appease me with freshly cooked fish, I am generally  willing to be appeased as I’m not really grumpy, it just pays to pretend now and then.

I’d better warn you that sometimes people can take it into their heads to put you on some kind of diet, often inspired by a visit to the vets.  What this means is that they get stingy with your food and keep putting down something that you don’t like as a substitute for proper meals.  I gather vets make a lot of money out of these nasty bags of stuff and convince our humans that it is our best interests.  Don’t let a morsel pass your mouth if you don’t like the smell and taste of it.  The simplest solution is to spread your favours amongst the neighbours who will always be willing to try and buy your friendship with some tasty treats.  In fact you can work up quite a nice routine, breakfast at home, a snack at number six a little later, visit the old lady at number nine for elevenses and so on and so on.  There is no law against extra people feeding you, or against you making yourself at home in their homes, so long as they don’t mind.  Just as well if you let the honoured neighbour know you are visiting otherwise you risk getting shut in somewhere without food or water.  Very bad if they happen to have gone away whilst you were snoozing on a guestroom bed, it happens more often than you’d think.

Off to check the birds in the garden now. Back when I feel like it.



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